Happy partisan K. writes letters to American Comrade C.
To pull off an effective lunacy campaign a nation, or more correctly it’s leader and their willing followers need to engage in activities designed to distract the populace and dismantle the framework of the nation. Activities such as suspension of the constitution or un-legislated modifications of it, dilution of the press and therefore the opposition, adjustment of history, manufacture of new knowledge and any other activities that could bring about the re-alignment of the national goals.
Dear partisan C.
Recent happenings motivated me to express my deep sorrow on the unfortunate developments in your country. I mean, nothing is fully lost as yet, you are sort of on a right path. And potential is there as well. In the last days I’ve even seen that, the new commander in chief has capacities to deliver quality stuff. Not bad! Respect for the choice. So, don’t take me wrong. I still believe America can catch up, but … the Poles are actually light years ahead in this rally already.
Sorry … America second!
This time America is behind! Period. The race to win the Lunacy League (LL) has started, and you guys are only now placing your horseback rider in the saddle. Shame.
Come on! This is not America the World knows.
I can understand that the Brits are a little ahead of you. Ok, accidents happen. But the little Poles? What the heck? This naughty nation, somewhere at far ends of Europe. God only knows what they have been up to throughout the whole history. And now, they knock you guys down on the very start? You must admit that America was sleeping last years, while the clever Poles were quietly hatching their strategy, and building a World-class dream team from carefully selected lunacy worshippers.
You guys know that feeling very well, right? The feeling of being the best! Of course. Who knows it better than Americans? Hollywood, Michael Jordan, walking on the Moon, Internet, iPhone, Madonna, Google … you name it. Of course you know the taste of victory best. But this time the Poles decided to take it away from you before you even knew it exists! The leadership position in the Lunacy League tastes heavenly. The more you are ahead the more gas you give!
Back to the point about my sorrow and how I can help you guys to catch up. So, if you really want to take part in this race, you need to work hard. I presume you know that it will be tough challenge. But, since you chose already a very reasonable leader for the LL domain, the direction is good! I can even say that he has something; you know this little thing that makes him very distinct. I would name it lunacy nobility. Polish team should definitely watch him carefully as a very serious opponent.
In my compassion on your lost situation, I thought that I may share with you some tricks that I’ve seen when watching the Polish team in lunacy actions. There are some very classic, boring tricks but at least you can start somewhere.
OK, let’s start easy e.g. you close down your Supreme Court. You ask me why? And I would answer: why not? Or actually do not close it down, but dismantle in such a way, that the judges go to work, talk about stuff etc., but effectively nothing happens. Everybody is happy, and the dream team can work freely without any unnecessary, stupid juridical obstructions. What a loser cares these days about law? Yes, you guessed it right! Only losers.
Let’s take some other little things. e.g. manipulating public media and most importantly news. You need to simply run some lay off campaign. Just to be sure lay all journalists off and leave only those who have great Photoshop skills. Believe me these are really key! Or equally good are those from some religious fanatic sects. Oh yes, when I think about it they are a hell powerful too.
Education. This is just easy. First roll the education system back to that from … say, 40 years back. When the resulting chaos is sufficient, start (be focused now!, this is key) re-writing history books. Yes! It is really a hammer. You know, just replace the names and remove some paragraphs. Ok, if you have funds and time, you can hire some high lunacy fliers to spice things up (the Poles do that brilliant, we have piles of money for that). But, if you replace all this allegedly big names, all this guys like Washington, Jefferson, Patton, Lincoln … , simply with the names related to your newly selected leader or his closest cooperative team, then you are on the right path. It’s simple project, just shit full steam about your history. As simple as that. Swamp the media with revelations that your national heroes, artists, nobility or any historically relevant people were actually spies of some mystic organization, criminals who should be put in jail or … simply make up something. But make sure that guys do it really solidly, full shitting force that nobody has doubts that all past is just one big catastrophe. It’s a lot of work, but does its job! I guess now you have a picture. I’m sure in a couple of months you guys will be up to speed and we can talk again.
But! Beware! You also need to realize that the above in not enough to get even close to current Polish dream team successes. You need something that will simply fly in the world of lunacy, something of unexpected proportions. The WOW, that smashes everything else. Let me give you a sample here what a Polish lunacy national team came up with
They dig graves! Yes, you read correct, ingenious right? Simple, but how elegant in its lunatic aesthetics! Let me give you a bit of a context of the project. You probably remember that accident with Polish diplomacy flying to Russia and crashing tragically a few years back. All died, including Polish President and his wife and many other first line diplomats. The investigations showed that the cause of the accident was bad weather and a number of misfortunate conditions and wrong reaction of the on-board and ground crew. Case in principle closed. But hey, the lunacy team has cunningly seen the potential here. You ask yourself … how, why? And this is the trick. The biggest potential is actually where you don’t expect it. Smart, isn’t it? So, they would create some conspiracy theories, to bring the fuzz back. Not much work. You hire some guys that have no clue about anything related to plane accidents, and you make them popularize some super crazy shit around, the more idiotic the better: like the artificial fog, sprayed helium (yes this is intellectual exercise, why would one spray helium to crash plane?), a pine tree ejected to hit the wing, twin-plane crashing and real one hijacked … you name more. And here is a sample of some classified material from the performed investigations, just for your reference. Please be careful with the material. This specific one serves a proof of explosives on-board. It’s code name is pork sausage.
Now back to our grave digging story, “the project” that secures Poland a golden medal in the category of abysmal stupidity for centuries ahead. Pure and simply unspeakable absurd. Down to the point. All the people that died in the plane crash almost 7 years ago are being dug up and re-inspected for the traces that are meant to prove one of the above revelations. Isn’t it simply spectacular? And it is real! No script, no actors. It is reality that is happening in the country that was fighting for the past 200 years for its independence. Simply digging the graves. Period.
I think that now you understand better my compassion and willingness to help you out. You guys stand no chance. The first place is taken! Polish Lunacy First! And you know it. Look at your guy, he is still a rookie. He needs time and lunacy education, a lot of education … but there is no time left in this race, he needs to perform here and now.
But still. Give it a try. Maybe you can quickly catch up, and Polish Lunacy League leaders will lose their impetus. Who knows? Don’t miss a chance. Besides there is still some place on the podium … you can always fight the Brits.
happy partisan K.
P.S. I greatly appreciate your cooperation!